"Just come down!"

"Just come down!"

I heard his voice through the balcony window; it somehow managed to seep through my blasting earbuds while I lay on the couch trying to forget him. Not even the loudest volume and the most unnerving song could block him out. It was my heart's fault, I reasoned--you could deafen your ears, but the heart was ever listening, even when you begged it not to. Even when you'd had a bad day and wanted to forget about him, just for today, just long enough to get a nap and relax.

"Just go away," I mumbled, knowing very well that he could not hear me. I grabbed one of the couch cushions and pressed it over my head, blocking out all the light. If my human ears couldn't hear, and my eyes couldn't see, maybe I'd be able to blind my heart too--just for a little bit.

It was too late, though. My mind was aware of his presence just out the balcony, and it teamed up with my heart to worsen my nightmare. Why did he have to choose the balcony to apologize? It was so cheesy, so cliche, so...

So sweet.

I felt like someone in a fairy tale now. My imagination wandered far away, and I was in a castle with a prince out my window. What would a princess do in this position? A hundred years ago they'd probably go to the balcony. What would Kate Middleton do today?

"Please?"

I wasn't sure if he really spoke this time, or if it was just my heart begging me to give in and let it live this fairy tale. How many girls actually got to make this decision? How many girls could climb into a storybook for just a moment?

I pressed the pillow harder over my face; now I could barely breathe, but I would not give in. My heart knew Kyle wasn't gone yet. My heart and Kyle both kept asking, "Please?" My brain wasn't helping much, either. It kept reasoning that I was about to miss my only chance, and reason rubbed salt into the injury. I was about to lose the battle with my own will.

I tossed the pillow across the room and plucked out my earbuds, feeling disconcerted. He could have tried the doorbell. Why did he have to use the balcony? How did he know I was right there with the window open?

"Rachel!" he called again, this time in a voice heavy with misery. "People are starting to stare."

He'd probably caught the attention of the neighbors now, too. I couldn't fend off a smile. What kind of a fairy tale was this? A prince didn't typically disturb the neighbors--though this was anything but typical.

"I'll go in a minute," he called, this time to someone else who'd shouted angrily out their window.

Enough was enough. I got off the couch and sighed, trying to think of what to say after putting him through such humiliation. His persistence made me think that chivalry wasn't yet dead, and I was one of the lucky girls to catch a modern-day prince. My heart and brain agreed that it was stupid to send him off.

I opened the door and stepped onto the balcony; our eyes locked immediately, and though Kyle didn't say anything, I knew he was sorry. In his hand was a tiny wrapped present. After this, he probably wasn't going to forget my birthday ever again.

I leaned down slightly, waiting for the neighbors above to close their windows. When they finally did, I smiled and said quietly, "You forgot to throw the pebbles."

Kyle looked puzzled for a moment, then hesitated and motioned to the present. "I'm sorry. Can I come in?"

I glanced out over the city, for a moment taking in the beautiful sunset and picturing it as an illustration in a modern-day book of fairy tales. Then I looked down at him and smiled. "Yeah. Give me a moment."

Making a dash inside the house, I paused halfway to the stairs and grinned stupidly. Then I gathered myself and went to meet my prince and give him the hug he deserved. Actually, I danced down the stairs with a flourish...

Like a princess.

I'm now managing two blogs.

I've started up an officially spiritual blog, which you may visit by clicking here. The reason is because Universal Faith is launching in December, so I thought it'd be fitting to have a Wordpress as well as this. You'll probably see the same blog posts here as there, though this blog will be more writing and art focused. The layout is just too gorgeous for me to abandon it, I spent a long time working on it.
Unfortunately, I won't be writing for a while. After two surgeries for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, I'll be taking a long-needed break, and instead focusing on reading and blogging. Maybe without so much writing I can develop a strong personality of my own. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning my projects. The Water Nymph Potion will be published, but it will be very different from how it was before. I've found lots of things that need changing, and ways to tighten the plot. Beautiful Dancing will be written someday as a Christian novel. The Wishing Well is probably going to be a thriller. The Shadow and all its sequels will be a fantasy series. My vampire books...well, I don't know about them. It depends on how my mind reinvents them when I start writing again...
...which won't be a while. My parents are watching me. My case of CT was really, extremely bad. So I'm finding some other hobbies to distract myself with in the meanwhile, including raising my voice about my religion. I'm learning what I believe and how to defend it. At this moment, I actually see myself more as an public figure inspiring people to become saints, than a bestselling author. We'll see what happens.
Both my blogs will be updated, so stick around. There's a lot going on in my head. It might not be a novel, but it'll be interesting.
P.S. I am praying for my bishop every Monday. If you're Catholic, you should pray for yours, too.

Friendship with Jesus will also lead you to bear witness to the faith wherever you are, even when it meets with rejection or indifference. We cannot encounter Christ and not want to make him known to others. So do not keep Christ to yourselves! Share with others the joy of your faith. The world needs the witness of your faith, it surely needs God. I think that the presence here of so many young people, coming from all over the world, is a wonderful proof of the fruitfulness of Christ's command to the Church: "Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation" (Mk 16:15). You too have been given the extraordinary task of being disciples and missionaries of Christ in other lands and countries filled with young people who are looking for something greater and, because their heart tells them that more authentic values do exist, they do not let themselves be seduced by the empty promises of a lifestyle which has no room for God.

Pope Benedict XVI, WYD 2011

Updates and New Blogs!

Hey, guys. So. Quick update here.

I've started editing The Water Nymph Potion, and in fact, you can read the first two chapters right now! Just go here!
So in light of World Youth Day and the Youcat, I decided it was finally time to put all the religious reading I've done to something useful. Under construction is a blog focused on Catholicism in a way that teenagers can understand it. Here's the link. I'll have a button up soon.
I'm going to, sometime this month, get bound copies of The Wishing Well, which I took down from inkpop because it's time to edit it.
Hopefully, my Catholic blog will go well this time; I'm looking for friends who could help me with it. That way the whole burden won't be on me. But this is extremely important; it could change the world.
That's it for now! Thanks for reading!

This reminds me so much of THE WATER NYMPH POTION.

And someday, when you read it that far in, you'll know why. ♥

The Underscore Level: To anyone who needs it

I found this meaningful message here. Please read it!

Dear you,

If you have ever felt alone, if you have ever wanted to give up, I am writing this for you. I don’t know what compelled me to sit down and begin this message, but I hope whoever it can find something in it.

If you have ever thought of leaving this world, if you’ve ever wanted to take your own life, it’s probably because you think no one cares. Some people don’t understand that loneliness is a temporary thing. It may last for weeks, months, even years, but it does go away. You just have to find the right people.

I know that is so much harder than it sounds, believe me. I’m probably not even in the position to be dishing out such advice, but I know for a fact that I have felt lonely before and I know that so many others have felt and do feel much worse and want to end their lives because of it, or maybe you just seek out attention through drugs, or drinking or sex with meaningless people.

You think no one cares. What if I told you that I care? What if I said that I wish I could have met you before this happened, so you wouldn’t have ever had to feel lonely or sad?

If you’re thinking of giving up, don’t. There are people out there who care. Your life matters, and you are worth so much more than any negativity that surrounds you, even if negativity is all you have right now.

Fight to move on. Fight to move forward. Fight for positivity and most of all, fight for the person on the other side of the computer that’s writing this. We will never meet, we will probably never even exchange words in conversation, but I do care and I hope that you can find some happiness in this.

Love,
Me

Please reblog if you want to spread the word about people caring. Let this reach more than just my 20 some followers. Together we can help the world feel a little less lonely, one tumblr at a time.

The Katy Perry California Dreams Adventure!

(Yes, I suck at coming up with blog titles.)
I think it's really funny, and amazingly awesome, that we got to see The Band Perry and Katy Perry in the same year. Of course, the circumstances both times were considerably different, not to mention their styles of music couldn't differ more. Also, Katy Perry isn't really her name, but I read she's actually Katy Hudson. Still, it's fun to think about this and muse about how amazingly lucky I am.
I've decided never to doubt anything my mom ever says...again. She said we were going to see Katy Perry, but since we were in Peru at the time I thought all the tickets would be sold out by the time we got home. That was not the case. There were still decent seats available, and I could see the whole stage perfectly well. My mom makes things happen. I'm not sure how she does it. She's just awesome, that's all I know.
The concert was well-choreographed and basically a work of art. There were so many costumes and for each song it was different. It followed the Alice in Wonderland/Candyland theme--I think there was almost a little bit of Cinderella in there, too. On the screen between songs they played bits of this movie where she's in costume and she walks around this really cool land made of candy, searching for her Kitty, and having adventures. It reminded me of the Taylor Swift concert I saw a couple of years ago, where for each song she had a different set, and it was simply magnificent. I'll share photos from that later.
My favorite song she played in this concert was E.T. because you could feel the beat here more than in any of the other tracks. There were green and blue lasers reaching wide over the crowd, making you feel like you were in a science fiction movie. I wish I'd been able to get a good picture of that, but I was too busy singing along, so that's fine. I was enjoying myself and if I'd spent the whole concert taking pictures, then I would have missed the whole thing--and that wouldn't be much fun at all.

This really was an adventure. It was almost perilous. Here's the suspenseful summary of how it was action-packed and nerve-racking at first:
I went with my mom, dad, and my brother. I had the greatest time with them. I had quite an adventure trying to get four bottles of water to them. For some reason the guys at the food place just had to take the caps off the bottles, so... Picture Mariella stumbling through a crowded arena and trying to figure out how to get back into the row where her family is sitting, that is really narrow and where it's easy to fall down.
Well, there were some kind people who helped me pass down the bottles of water to my family. They said, "Need us to help you pass something down, sweetheart?" Probably because they saw me looking so pathetic with the four bottled waters calling to my family who couldn't hear me because of the music going on at the moment. So we called until my parents looked up and received the bottles of water--and then I finally went back to my seat, the chances of falling and dying having been slimmed. But I wasn't going to be able to last the whole concert without any water. We'd gone up three flights of stairs and my tongue literally felt like paper. How was I ever going to sing along if my tongue felt like paper?!
Aside from that, I wore some nice ballet flats that I thought would look good with my sequined shirt, but I forgot that for something like a concert ballet flats are not the most comfortable kind of shoes to wear. Next time Katy Perry comes I think I could get away with wearing fluffy bunny slippers! ♥ It would fit the theme and I think that if I dress up in my pajamas I might be able to make the Meet-and-Greet. I will start shopping for the perfect bunny slippers now.

Yesterday was, in fact, my brother Christian's 14th birthday. This concert was his birthday present. I think we all had fun and I'm glad he had a nice birthday. I know I enjoyed myself as well. It was an adventure.
Thank you so much, Mom, for proving me wrong. I'm never going to doubt you again.
(Honestly. My mom does amazing and crazy things! I want to be like her!)

Reading Soon: ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS by Stephanie Perkins

ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS
by Stephanie Perkins

Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris - until she meets Etienne St. Clair: perfect, Parisian (and English and American, which makes for a swoon-worthy accent), and utterly irresistible. The only problem is that he's taken, and Anna might be, too, if anything comes of her almost-relationship back home.

As winter melts into spring, will a year of romantic near - misses end with the French kiss Anna - and readers - have long awaited?

Colder Weather LIVE from Red Rocks

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5Lt1ccdjA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Sent from my iPhone

Reading Soon: SHINE by Lauren Myracle

SHINE
by Lauren Myracle

When her best guy friend falls victim to a vicious hate crime, sixteen-year-old Cat sets out to discover who in her small town did it. Richly atmospheric, this daring mystery mines the secrets of a tightly knit Southern community and examines the strength of will it takes to go against everyone you know in the name of justice.

Against a backdrop of poverty, clannishness, drugs, and intolerance, Myracle has crafted a harrowing coming-of-age tale couched in a deeply intelligent mystery. Smart, fearless, and compassionate, this is an unforgettable work from a beloved author.

This cover wins.

Pitch for BEAUTIFUL DANCING (Yes, I finally have one!!)

Pauline Hemingway is a ballerina. She's spent all her childhood trying to express herself with grace, in a stuffy Alabama mansion where things are always so quiet. For most of her life there hasn't been much noise except her music and the fights between her parents--shouting she never listened to, whispers she couldn't be bothered with.

Then one day, sixteen-year-old Pauly is injured at dance class, leaving her no choice but to come home early. She finds herself walking in on a dark secret that will slam the doors shut on her dreams.

Rumors fly. Pauly is pulled out of school and her dance class for two years, wanting nothing more but to escape. On the night of her eighteenth birthday, she does just that.

The music has long since fallen silent in the halls of her house, leaving nothing but her parents' fighting to fill in the silence. With a soul thirsting for art and beauty, she will no longer wait for it to come to her. On the night of her birthday, Pauly escapes to New York in search of beautiful dancing.

Will she be able to find it?

Reading Soon: THE TRUTH ABOUT FOREVER by Sarah Dessen

THE TRUTH ABOUT FOREVER
by Sarah Dessen

Sixteen-year-old Macy Queen is looking forward to a long, boring summer. Her boyfriend is going away. She's stuck with a dull-as-dishwater job at the library. And she'll spend all of her free time studying for the SATs or grieving silently with her mother over her father's recent unexpected death. But everything changes when Macy is corralled into helping out at one of her mother's open house events, and she meets the chaotic Wish Catering crew. Before long, Macy joins the Wish team. She loves everything about the work and the people. But the best thing about Wish is Wes—artistic, insightful, and understanding Wes—who gets Macy to look at life in a whole new way, and really start living it.

Reading Soon: SING ME TO SLEEP by Angela Morrison

SING ME TO SLEEP
by Angela Morrison

Beth has always been "The Beast" - that's what everyone at school calls her because of her awkward height, facial scars, and thick glasses. Beth's only friend is geeky, golden-haired Scott. That is, until she's selected to be her choir's soprano soloist, and receives the makeover that will change her life forever.

THE LOVE AFFAIR

When Beth's choir travels to Switzerland, she meets Derek: pale, brooding, totally dreamy. Derek's untethered passion - for music, and for Beth - leaves her breathless. Because in Derek's eyes? She's not The Beast, she's The Beauty.

THE IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE

When Beth comes home, Scott, her best friend in the world, makes a confession that leaves her completely torn. Should she stand by sweet, steady Scott or follow the dangerous, intense new feelings she has for Derek?

THE HEARTBREAK

The closer Beth gets to Derek, the further away he seems. Then Beth discovers that Derek's been hiding a dark secret from her ...one that could shatter everything.

On Reading, Reviews, And Rereading Twilight.

First, I'm excited to finally be able to write a blog post on here that has something to do with reading and writing. I love writing about spirituality but I want there to be a balance, and I think that GOD is helping me to find that balance so I can write about both on here.
I wrote a couple of reviews which were first published on THE ESCAPISM PROJECT but I decided I can share on here, too, for my readers who enjoy reading and for some reason aren't yet following Escapism. From now on, when I read a book I'll be sharing my reviews on both blogs. If you're an Escapist blogger, feel free to do the same yourself.
I finished 13 LITTLE BLUE ENVELOPES and a review is a little bit overdue. I'll get to that ASAP. I also have to review BEASTLY, which I finished last night.

There are some books I've gotten recently that I'm going to read soon and review. I'm excited about all of them. There are titles from both genres, YA and Religion. A couple of books I'm rereading; others I'm discovering for the very first time. Here's a list of what I've got so far in the area of YA books, the volumes that I know I'm going to read: (Books in italics are ones I'm rereading; books in bold are new ones I've never read before. I'm not reading them in any particular order either, and this list may change with books appearing and disappearing, and there is no deadline.)

• Sing Me To Sleep by Angela Morrison
• Anna And The French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins
• Shine by Lauren Myracle
• The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
• The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han
• The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart
• A Great And Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
• Rebel Angels by Libba Bray
• The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray
• Wings by Aprilynne Pike
• Spells by Aprilynne Pike
• Illusions by Aprilynne Pike
• Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
• New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
• Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
• Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer

WAIT WAIT WAIT---YOU DON'T MEAN? HUH? TWILIGHT? THAT'S GOTTA BE A TYPO. That's probably what you're thinking. But you read correctly: I've decided to reread Twilight. It's been at least two years since I've read it last and I'm curious to see how my opinion on these books would differ now from how they were back then. I'm not saying I plan to read and love them, but I'm going to look at them with a critic's eye--or at least try to, because everyone knows I'm not a very good critic. Chances are I might throw aside Breaking Dawn before I finish it because I remember that book only for negative things. But I want to try it. It's just something I feel I have to do. I talk about how I dislike that series all the time but feel stupid doing it when I barely remember any of it, so I'm going to read it again in order to either change my mind or back up my claims.

Here are books about religion that I'm going to read, most of which I've never finished because though I love the subject I just can't skim them:

• Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly
• Jesus Of Nazareth by Pope Benedict XVI
• The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis
• Spiritual Warfare For Every Christian by Dean Sherman
• Lord, Have Mercy by Scott Hahn

And, this is a 6-book boxed set on world religions that I got forever ago:

• Judaism by Alan Unterman
• Catholicism by George Brantl
• Protestantism by J. Leslie Dunstan
• Islam by John A. Williams
• Hinduism by Louis Renou
• Buddhism by Richard A. Gard

Some other books I have that are neither YA nor Religion:

• Tomorrow We Die by Shawn Grady
• The Prince Of Tides by Pat Conroy
• The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

Classic novels:

• The Prince And The Pauper by Mark Twain
• The Hunchback Of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo

Historical novels:

• The Diary of Anne Frank

I will, of course, keep you updated on any changes--additions, etc.--to this list. But so far this is what I've got and hopefully I can read them all by the end of the year.

I'm still open to suggestions and would love to hear what you think would be good books to read. I will put up my book reviews for Kissed by an Angel and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas tomorrow.

Hugs!

I want to be vocal.

I want to be vocal.

So I may start a podcast.

If anyone is interested :-)

Sent from my iPhone

I felt like sharing this. It came from my sudden obsession with plucking songs out of a guitar. Because I can never remember them, I have to record them, and my muse tells me that's not quite the same thing. I thought I could share this, and I had fun photo-editing it so that nobody would, um, steal it. It's MY diary entry... >_>

I have a friend. She's been in a dusty closet for several months now...

Cecelia.

Her name is Cecelia.She doesn't talk--not really. I mean, unless you know how to understand the language of music, then you can say that she talks a lot.She's named for the patroness of music, St. Cecilia, who also happens to be my patron saint (Cecilia is my middle name) and of whom I have a relic medal--one of the few I think even exist. There are many reasons why I have a devotion to St. Cecilia, but music wasn't always one of them.
Her story is truly a remarkable one:

It is believed that St. Cecilia was born in the 2nd or 3d century A.D., although the dates of her birth and martyrdom are unknown. A religious romance telling the love story of Saint Cecilia and Valerian appeared in Greece during the 4th century A.D., and there is a biography of St Cecilia dating from the 5th century A.D. She is purported to have been the daughter of a wealthy Roman family, a Christian from birth, who was promised in marriage to a pagan named Valerian. Cecilia, however, had vowed her virginity to God, and wore sackcloth, fasted and prayed in hopes of keeping this promise. Saint Cecilia disclosed her wishes to her husband on their wedding night. She told Valerian that an angel watched over her to guard her purity. He wanted to see the angel, so St. Cecilia sent him to Pope Urban(223-230). Accounts of how and when Valerian saw the angel vary, but one states that he was baptized by the Pope, and, upon his return to Saint Cecilia, they were both given heavenly crowns by an angel. Another version recounts that Tibertius, Valerian's brother, sees the crowns and he too is converted.

Saint Cecilia

This isn't some sentimental blog post about how I'm a natural born musician and music is my passion and I spend so many hours a day mastering a new song that I wrote. This isn't even a blog post about me being really good at music, because I'm not. Quite frankly, I fail at music. I rarely practice and I'm better at composing things than reading notes for songs that already exist. I have little patience for sharps and flats on the piano and most of the time I just play ignoring them, thus messing up the song, and I have no idea what level I am at the piano even though supposedly I've been 'playing' for a few years now and should be at least okay at it.
But tonight...
Cecelia the guitar was a present for my 16th birthday. I'm not really sure why I wanted a guitar because back then I couldn't imagine the thrill of plucking a string and feeling the sound vibrate inside of you. I guess...well, I don't know. I just wanted a guitar. So that's what I got. 
And I've used her on and off to play a few songs I like, mostly Taylor Swift (there was a time that I'd mastered the intro to White Horse but I'm sure I've forgotten it by now. It was a very tentative mastery and right after that is when I had to leave Cecelia to go to Peru.) I tried to learn Miranda Lambert but that was a little too hard. My teacher was youtube, and I had nobody to really assess how I learned and what progress I made, or tell me how I had to improve.
We left to Peru on February because of my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I had to put Cecelia away. Even though I was never really big on playing music, I felt my heart recoil into itself as I eased her into the guitar case and whispered, "Just for now. See you soon." And I put her in the closet, where she's waited about four months for me to come back.
I've been here for a month but while settling in, had little time to play music. Tonight's when I finally felt done with waiting. I've got a cough, some kind of allergic asthma that I hope will go away when the summer's over. The Band Perry, my new favorites to listen to, made me want to sing. I listened to their beautiful song, Walk Me Down The Middle, and wished so badly that I could sing along. But every time I open my mouth to make a sound, I cough. I can't sing. I needed to make music tonight, though, needed it as badly as I normally have to write.
I could have used the piano, but then I remembered that I still had a friend waiting for me in the closet. So I got Cecelia out.
You know how sometimes you wish there was a soundtrack to your life? Well, as I eased Cecelia out of the guitar case, hearing the sounds of the strings vibrating as they collided with the plastic that confined her for so long, I promise you there was music playing. A soundtrack. And it's something that I could never imagine--the anticipation, the satisfaction, the immense joy that I was getting her out again. I was seeing her again. She wasn't angry, either. She was ready to play music, just like me.
The guitar is probably out of tune--I was never too good at tuning her. I sat down and played, anyway. I played with the capo, putting it on different frets and just plucking strings. Then, when the capo was on the third fret, I plucked out something that almost sounded like a song. And it was pretty. Like I said, the guitar is probably out of tune, but I was actually playing something that sounded like a song and a pretty one. I played the tune over and over.
Since I've no idea how to record guitar notes on sheet music, my only way to not lose the song was recording it. I got out my iPhone and used the Voice Memo app. I set it on a table nearby and talked to the phone and played and wrote a song.
I could share that thing I recorded on here but since the guitar is probably out of tune...I dunno. I'll consider it.
GOD is doing it. He's making me feel like I can do anything. I can write a song. I can run a blog. I can write a book and get it to the top 5 and eventually publish it. I can change opinions with my stories. I can be a good friend and someone that others will look up to, regardless of my weaknesses. I can make a difference.
And I can do anything. I know it. He wants me to say it.
I'm probably not going to start a band or write an album that will top the charts (maybe. Just because I'm not planning on it doesn't mean GOD isn't. I've learned better than to try and map my own life.) But I have art, I have Truth, and even though my hands hurt--even though I hate bedtime because of sleeping with the wrist braces on, and sometimes I can't open a can of soda, and sometimes I wonder if I can truly carry out all these things I'm planning for myself if I can't even write a book as fast as I used to--He keeps sending me things that He wants written.
He wants me to write things.He wants me to say things.He wants me to play the guitar and piano even though I don't follow the rules and I'm bad at it.So I will, and I'll learn to just trust in the LORD because He wouldn't be sending me these things if He didn't know what He was doing. And He's not going to harm me. And everything that happens to me is for my own good.
I need to shut up, stop whining, and just trust.
You know? Lately He's been revealing to me a lot on the subject of love. Not romantic love, but the love we have in our nature. I'll be sharing this as I go. It's liberating.
He has plans for me, even though I can't see them, and I don't believe I can do much with hands that are already hurting after just a blog post. Even though I need sharpening every time I make a difference in this world, because I'm just a really blunt tool. Even though I tend to be narrow-minded and paranoid and way too shy.
Kari Jobe is one of the people who inspire me most. Today on Facebook, she said in a status update:
Sometimes the key to trusting is to just trust.
I want to be like Kari Jobe with my writing. Her album is a blessing and for a long time I listened to it as a lullaby before bed. It was like falling asleep to a prayer. I've yet to find music as beautiful as hers, and I just want her to release a new album already. I want to meet her. I want to ask her so many questions. I want to hear her perform My Beloved live.
Listen to her album. Follow her on Facebook. She deserves more attention, and everyone should feel the blessing of her music.
How do I be like her with writing? How do I use writing in such a gorgeous way to glorify a GOD so beautiful? All my plots I come up with--even the 'religious' ones--fail. They're like matches that are put out by a gust of wind.
I'll just trust. That's what I'll do. If I leave my gifts to GOD, He'll help me.
But prayers would be appreciated. It's easier to say I'll trust, than it is to actually do it...because I'm still human.
Thanks, my friends. ♥

Browsing on Twitter, I found the same verse--just different translations--twice in a row.I guess it means something. Maybe this is a thing I'm supposed to know right now.I can do anything. :) Thank you, Jesus!

Karl Friedrich Wings Flygirls WW2 WASP Female Pilots KCPQ

In Which Mariella Talks About Redesigning Blogs And Possibly Taking Down The Wishing Well For Editing.

I've redesigned my blog layout again because it was a little too crowded before. Too many widgets. Too much info on the front page. Now, I'm going to create different pages for each important part of my life. I've found that web design is fun and relaxing--but it does take a lot of time. Not only do I have to spend time designing the graphics and then redesigning them again, but I have to change the rest of the blog to match the picture. Once it's done, though, it's definitely worth the work and the time I put into it. 
I just wish it was that easy to get back all the followers that I left behind on the old blogs that I 'abandoned,' so to speak. Nobody really seems to pay attention to this blog, and no matter how much I push it on people--no matter how much I talk about it on facebook and make it clear that it's really important to me--well, I guess nobody can see it. Anyway, now that my moment of self-pity is over...I would like to ask that if you're a friend, or a former follower, or a person interested in my blog...and you happen to stumble in here...maybe you can follow it? Please? Then I wouldn't feel so lonely... :D
That subject aside, I think I'm going to take down all but 10k of The Wishing Well while I edit it. I got a lot of valuable critique during the time it was up, but from now on I'll be consulting about it mostly with a close team of friends and readers. That is, if I don't take down the book altogether. Nobody seems to be reading it now that it's got its review, and it's just floating around in inkpop cyberspace and taking up picklists that could now be going to someone who really needs it, given the changes in how the system works. I'm not totally sure yet, but I'll pray about it, and if I decide on yes, most of the book--if not all--will be down by August. So if you've wanted to read it for a while, now is the best time to start; I'm letting you know, just in case. ♥
I'm up way too late because of web design. So I think I'll go do my devotionals and try to get some sleep. Lately, sleep is something that seems to be avoiding me. It's just so hard to turn off my imagination and get a good night's rest. (Or rather, in my case, a good morning's rest.) It comes with being a writer, I suppose.
Also, I've been trying to promote The Escapism Project like crazy. This blog is like, really important to me. So on second thought, if you have to choose between my blog and Escapism to follow, choose Escapism. I just think it's going to go really far and I'm putting a lot of my hopes and efforts into this project. Now would be a good time to thank my contributors for the millionth time for all the help and for being in this with me. You guys are awesome.
With that, I am off. HUGS!

In Which Mariella Updates You On Her Progress Coming Out Of The Jar

This morning I had a lovely experience. Since I guess I'm an Insomniac at heart even without trying to be, I can't fall asleep too well. So I was up quite late--or early, if you want to put it that way--and decided that well, if I'm going to stay awake I may as well do something useful with my time. I decided to start reading my copy of the Youcat again. I'd gotten it a while back but only skimmed it, and not made it very far into the first chapter. This time I read the foreword written by the Pope and tried my hardest to pay attention to every little word, because they're all valuable in a book like this.

If you read the foreword, you'll see that the Youcat isn't just a book. It's a project several years in the making and its purpose was to clarify what Christians (or Catholics, if you want to see it in a narrow way) should believe. It's the result of the bishops of the Church working together. They came from all different parts of the world; their lifestyles varied and their languages did, too. But together they wrote for us a book that will clear up so much and after just a skim I have to say that any Catholic interested in learning about their faith, or any Christian wanting to learn about Catholicism, should give this book a try. It's interesting, easy to read, and written specifically for the youth of today's world.
Our youth need something to set us on fire with faith and this book is an attempt to do just that.
Anyway, in the foreword, the Pope wrote:

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life. (Youcat, page 10)

That sentence really spoke to me, so I closed the book right here and got out a notebook. I hadn't written in my journal yet, and all I had nearby was one of those cool yellow notepads, but it would have to do. I quoted this line from the Youcat...and then I just started writing.
I don't know if I want to share the things I write when I get into real deep Jesus mode. It makes me feel really raw and vulnerable. Being human, I don't want to be raw or vulnerable. I want to be strong and impressive, somebody that others can look up to. After reading an article today, though, I realized that there's no reason why people can't look up to me if I'm not strong and impressive--it might be just another reason for people to look up to me--but that's an issue for another blog post.
Without further ado, I'm going to swallow my pride and share what Jesus wanted me to share. I think I'll be sharing a lot more from now on.

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life.   p. 10

Don't I kind of start a new life every single day? I am constantly going to sleep with the resolve that I am changed; that I'll pray more; that I will use my gifts to serve the LORD only. And every day I fail. And every night I start over again.

Does Jesus ever get angry or frustrated with me? Does He ever stop and think, "Well, maybe she'll always be a blunt tool; I can't do much with her; she makes one impact on the world and then needs sharpening again!"

If He does, and since He loves me anyway--well, I can truly do anything. I find all my hope in the fact that I'm such a hopeless case but He still loves me...and He somehow wants me so much. There is nowhere I can go to hide from this, either, even if I wanted to. He loves me and He wants me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it--but the wise choice would be to respond and accept it.

Because the wise thing to do if someone loves you, the good and beautiful response, is to love back. But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.

I have value in Him...so much value. But only in Him can I ever do anything with it!

I wrote this at about 5am so any grammar mistakes or the likes cannot be blamed on me. I wrote it by hand in the little notepad. Now I don't know if what I wrote is right, but to me it feels right--at least, applying it to my situation specifically. This is something He said to Me. Maybe He's saying it to you, too--just ask and listen!
What I really want to point you to is the part in bold-face typing: But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.
After I finished writing this in my notebook, I opened the Youcat again, finished the foreword, and started on the first chapter. I found this: (Since it's a lot to type up I'm just going to take a picture of the page I want to quote.)

It was like a direct response to what I wrote in my journal entry before that. So, I wrote another journal entry:

We were made out of love. It's in our fiber. It's our purpose. We don't need an explanation beyond that, really, as to why humans love and why it's so hard to describe different types of love and it doesn't even really have to make sense, either. We were made out of 'leftover love'; therefore, we love.

It's one of those instances in which we can't explain why we do something; we just do.

I put away my journal and decided to go outside to watch the sun rise, since I was awake anyway. I stood there and gazed at the sky and contemplated it.

Jesus is love...He loves me so much...I'm made out of love...love is my instinct...

It felt like I finally knew my purpose, what I was here for, and I got an idea of just how valuable I really am.

I felt so much joy at that moment. I was in pajamas but I danced around the back yard for five minutes.I feel like Jesus was there dancing with me.
Then I finally went to bed...But I still didn't fall asleep for an hour. (Needless to say, I slept very little and am a bit groggy right now.)
I'm being called back to love, called back to Christ, and told what my purpose is. Gradually, I'm learning what I've got to do with my life. It's like a summer romance but way above that. This summer is being great for me, not because I have some earthly love story that'll probably end in a break-up when the winter comes. I stopped worrying about that kind of romance, since I don't think those are in His plans for me anytime soon to begin with.
No, this summer is a love story to me because I'm learning who I am in GOD's eyes.Jesus is helping me out of my jar.And I know I can truly do anything.
Thanks for following me on my journey so far :) ♥

WHOA. That was unexpected.

It happened. Like, in one second. The entire plot for Beautiful Dancing changed.

 

Or did it? I'm starting to wonder if it ever had a plot. If it's ever going to have a plot at all. Pauly's a liar, a blatant liar and she can't stop. It feels like this book is just a lie, and it's getting all these pretty covers and things...

 

I've told a few of my friends the plans I had for this book and everything. But everything you may know about it now has changed. In just the blink of an eye, what was isn't and what isn't...well, that isn't either. It's all one big lie.

 

Can I pull it off?

 

I don't know how long this book is going to be. It's up to the book. But I'm not making any more goals ahead of time.

 

I'm excited. I'm on fire to write it now.

Fliq note:I realized that a first draft for a quot

I realized that a first draft for a quote had to be no better or no worse than that of a novel or story, or anything, for that matter. And what I had said was not really that stupid...it was just the beginning of a thought. Stage one of an idea. And now, if you pool in stuff on my notebook, iPhone, nookColor, computer, and head...it's a blog post.

See how awesome it is being a writer?

Have you ever realized that truth leaves very little to no room for creativity? Likewise, when someone tells you to 'be creative,' the last thing that comes to your mind is telling the truth. How does that shape your view on creativity and truth?

Have you ever realized that truth leaves very little to no room for creativity? Likewise, when someone tells you to 'be creative,' the last thing that comes to your mind is telling the truth. How does that shape your view on creativity and truth?

Hugs,
Mariella
------------
livingescapists.blogspot.com
mariellasbrokencompass.blogspot.com

Directly from an iPhone.

I'm testing out this mobile blogging thing again.

And oh yes... It is partly another bragging moment.

Hugs,
Mariella
------------
livingescapists.blogspot.com
mariellasbrokencompass.blogspot.com

In which Mariella's mom gets her an iPhone.

And I show off the signature Jenn made me for the first time! You'll find it at the bottom of this blog post. It's really pretty. I love the umbrella and the butterflies.
I don't know if anyone really cares, but since it's my blog I'll say it anyway: I've been really feeling awful because of a cough that came with allergies and brought along with it an asthma attack. So I've been dealing with that cough for a few days now, and though it's getting better (thanks to my amazing mom who takes such care of me and she's the absolute best! ♥) it's still an annoying cough. I had to go to the doctor because I couldn't breathe well and my heart was beating way too fast. So yeah, that was a very long day. I came back breathing and feeling better, but still with a cough that's way annoying.
I've had a rough past two days because of this cough. I can barely talk--my voice is really hoarse. I know, I know...at least I can talk. And one good thing is that I can stay around in my pajamas and just finish up a bunch of things. I've made a lot of progress on arranging the ESCAPISM blog. I had a ton of help from friends and contributors who gave me ideas, their bios, and Syd made me a banner. I can't wait till tomorrow, when I can make the introductory blog post. I've been planning this since May and it's exciting to finally see it coming together and shaping up to resemble the masterpiece it's meant to be. If you guys still want to participate, we're always hiring for contributors, and all you have to do right now is let me know.
Also, my mom is so amazing that she got me an iPhone. The kind with all the apps. And I can listen to Pandora radio on it. And store pictures. And it makes chatting really epic. And I can listen to iTunes music on it. My mom is the best. I can't begin to describe how lucky I am to have her; I don't know what I'd do without her. She's my best friend and always will be.
So, from now on you'll probably be talking to me or texting me via an iPhone. I'll check my blogs on the iPhone. It's all iPhone.
I'm all hi-tech now. I've got the nookColor, which is a totally epic eBook reader and I love. It's got a big screen and it's easier to type blog posts in than perhaps an iPhone would be. Then there's the iPhone that's both phone and iPod at once. (Yes, I'm totally having a bragging moment here.) The nookColor has a pink rubber cover on it, and the iPod has a blue one. I'll get pictures!
Also, I thought I'd share with you guys my reading list for the rest of the summer. Here they are, and I might check them off in the sidebar as I go: (Some of them are really complicated to read, so wish me luck with that!)

1. Kissed by an Angel
2. The Essential Works of Christian Mysticism
3. Teresa of Avila
4. Go Ask Alice
5. The Memory Keeper's Daughter
6. The Reformation
7. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
8. Lord, Have Mercy
9. The Disreputable History of Frankie London-Banks
10. I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist
11. The Summer I Turned Pretty
12. Augustine
13. Beastly
14. The Prince of Tides
15. The Forgotten Garden

And more that I don't have around me at this immediate moment but definitely need to get read.

LATER...

I've added some tabs to my blog, as well, so it resembles more of a website. I don't know, I'm just having a lot of fun with this. I hope you enjoy sifting through here because this blog is going to my my attempt at being more personal than ever. The I LOVE... page is where I brag about people. Literally. I just feel called to tell people about the great things I have in my life, and the people I love, so I'm organizing all those posts into a page.

It didn't work out trying to get more followers by blogging as a professional blogger. Now I'm going to try and get more followers by being me, because I'm the only one who can. And I'm me for a reason. So here's my blog.

Thanks for coming and happy July! (I started this blog post on June and finished it on July. ^^)

THE ESCAPISM PROJECT is almost here!

I’m excited because I can’t wait to work on a book blog, and now it’s also a book blog with other people too. It’s a collaboration work, a masterpiece involving more than one person and opinion. So far my buddies in this are Kristia, Jenn, Cherise, Syd, Anna, Caety, and Wendy. There’s still room for other contributors—we want this to have as many people as possible so it can truly be a collage! If you would like to participate, just message me! And, there’s no deadline to join in, either. Even after the blog is started, we love guests.
As it is, each of us is going to take over once a week, on a given day of the week, to blog about books in a personalized and distinguishable way.
What we have so far is this:
SUNDAY- Not filled in yet.
MONDAY- Not filled in yet.
TUESDAY- Kristia blogs about music.
WEDNESDAY- Jenn blogs about classical novels.
THURSDAY- Syd (commonly known as Squid) blogs about going out of boundaries in the writing world.
FRIDAY- Mariella blogs about living and breathing stories.
SATURDAY- Anna blogs about inkpop, book reviews, and an advice column.
Our other bloggers who haven’t taken up days to blog yet include Cherise, Caety, and Wendy. Since they have the right to just pop in and write whenever they have something to say, they have got the title of odd job blogger (the term has been coined by Cherise. ^^)
This schedule does not limit the book reviews. Our contributors can pile in book reviews every day. Repeatedly. The schedule only helps to ensure that there is never a day of the week where we don’t have a blog post guaranteed. When someone can’t blog that day, we’ll get another person to fill in for them.
And we’re always looking for new contributors. This is basically a magazine. Submit something and if it’s within reason we’ll share it. This is a collage. This is a world. Escapism works different ways for different people. Message me (Mariella) if you want to contribute.
Our first official blog post will be on July 1.
We hope to see you then.

My hands aren't hurting right now. I think the sun is helping

Someone drew a heart on the wall of a building here in the part!

I'm soooo entering Evie's blog layout giveaway because IT LOOKS AWESOME.

http://evelynjanelle.blogspot.com/2011/06/pre-made-blog-layout-come-and-get-it.html

My favorite thing ever is fun shopping trips with Mom :) <3

JESUS: The Perfect Gentleman

...for everything that becomes visible is light.

Therefore, it says: "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light."

Ephesians 5:14, NAB

http://weheartit.com/entry/11169206

I have always believed Ephesians 5 to be the perfect example of the mission one ought to set for their life. It's beautiful, it's comforting...it has always set me on fire for my life in a manner different from what other passages can do. No matter how many times I read it, or how many times I am going to read it, my reaction to it will always be the same: It makes me realize my self-worth. It reminds me that in Christ I will always be so much more than you see on the outside. I can shine if I choose to. I can live as a child of The Ultimate Light that brings joy and peace to the whole world. Though nobody can shine as brightly as He does, we can shine enough to help bring light to our own world.

A couple of days ago, there was a thunderstorm. It was the biggest, most epic thunderstorm I have ever seen in my life. It made me afraid at first, then I decided I was overreacting. I remarked jokingly to a friend, losing my mind for just a moment, "Wow, god must be really angry to send us a thunderstorm like this." Perhaps at that moment I was thinking of the Greek god Zeus, because on retrospect I know that our own GOD loves us too much. I just cannot imagine Him sending a storm like that out of anger. He could, but do you think He would?

My friend Jenn promptly put me in my place with her reply. "Or maybe He's putting on this really great show because He loves you so much."

I felt a little bit embarrassed at my own remark. She was so right. "Yeah," I replied thoughtfully, "I think that's it."

But it was only later that I would realize how right she was. I went to the window to watch the thunderstorm. Since at that moment the lightning was taking place behind the house where I could not see it, I instead listened to the thunder and wondered...

I had read a post on someone's Tumblr moments ago about the love of Jesus being a perfect love. No gentleman could beat Him--He is the Holy One, the Hero Who died for us and then defeated death. He created the universe. He is so big. What did I do to deserve such love from Him that He would put on the thunderstorm of such magnitude because He loves me that much?

I have done nothing to deserve this. If this is a love story, I am the ragged beggar with nothing to boast of, and He is the glorious knight Who loves me when there is nothing I can ever offer Him at all.

But the saddest part is, I no longer pray as often as I ought. It took a thunderstorm for Jesus to get me off the computer and to the window where we can talk and spend some time together.

He is so big, but with the worldly things dominating my mind, I BLIND MYSELF TO HIM!

HE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS, to be 'throwing stones at my window,' so to speak, just to get me to look at Him.

But you know what is so beautiful about this story? He forgave me. He forgives all of us in a manner that a normal gentleman never could. He keeps coming back when I forget Him. He keeps giving me chance after chance when I, the ragged beggar, have done nothing to earn it. I don't deserve it. Neither do you. We never will, but Jesus doesn't see that.



http://weheartit.com/entry/11155738
Need help getting out of your jar you put yourself in?
Just ask GOD. He'll open it for you.
But only if you tell Him you want to get out. Are you
having fun in the jar with the common butterflies, or do
you want to be free?

 He loves us more than we could ever possibly imagine. More than we can love Him back. More than a human guy can love us. Why does he love us?

There is no reason. He just does.

I will put my all into loving Him back as much as I can with the tiny human heart I have. He died for me. I do not want to leave Him waiting out a window for me to come speak with Him through the glass. Either I let Him in to be with me, or I come out to be with Him.

To do either of those, I need to pray. To do either of those, GOD needs to help me. He needs to open the jar of worldly things I put myself in, and then give me the courage to climb through and be with Him.

Take, for example, the gorgeous photo of these butterflies being let out of their jar. They have probably been put on display for being beautiful. Maybe a couple of them showed off so someone caught them in a net. One might have done it on purpose to become famous. Maybe they were born in a little cage and have never seen freedom but from an outside source. They were put on a shelf, and people stared at them and said, "Look! What pretty butterflies! See how they have wings?"

They have wings, but if they're in a jar to show off, can they really fly like they're meant to?

Similarly, I might have light, but if I'm stuck in a worldly box with just a little window, can I really shine like I want to?

What I have to do is ask, "GOD, please open this jar...I desire so strongly to be with You and fly by Your side among the saints and angels in heaven. But I can't open this jar I put myself in without Your help. It's closed too tightly...I can't open it."

You can ask this, too. And guess what? He will open it. But only if you tell Him you want to be by His side...and not with the other butterflies in the jar who prefer to be distant from Him.

It's up to you. It's up to me. Where do you want to be?

At the window, we talked about Ephesians 5. He told me that if I wanted to be a child of light, if I wanted to shine, I need only ask. If I wanted to get out of the jar of worldly things, He can take me up to the sky where I can shine like nothing you've ever seen before. He can make me brighter than the stars. So I asked Him to open the window tonight, after a couple of days contemplating what happened. Right now I'm in the process of climbing hesitantly through the window, thinking--what if I fall?

The thing is, I might be going through that process all my life, but I know that He's helping me through the window, so what have I to fear? And the least I can do is love Him with everything I've got. So I'm going to risk climbing through that window!

Guess what? He can make you shine, too. He's PERFECT! Better than a hero in a novel or anyone that will ever exist. And He wants you! How amazing is that?

So my question now is this: Do you love Jesus with everything you've got? Or are you going to make Him throw stones at your window?

Does He deserve that?

Don't you want to get out of the jar of worldly things and become radiant like a star in the heavens? Are you going to ask GOD to open the jar? Are you scared to fall out the window? Jesus will catch you.

Think about it.

I'm spending more time designing covers for this book than I am actually writing it...

So if I write 500 words per day for the next 141 days, until November 11...

I can finish BEAUTIFUL DANCING at 70,500 words.
Knowing me, it's gonna be a longer book than that, but I hope not.

And THE WATER NYMPH POTION is going up on July 23.
If I write 500 words every day for the next 30 days, that'll give me the 15,000 words needed to complete the book. But if I write faster then I can edit it as well, at least the first 10k that will be up.

I'm reading THE WISHING WELL and getting ideas on how to make it more powerful based on the HarperCollins review.

There's my progress in one short, sweet blog post. :D

I think I'm having way too much fun with this.

 

But I'm really, super excited about this project.

And I chose just about the most epic release date ever.

THE EPIC FIRST NOVEL ADVENTURE

Which I stole from Kara. Visit her blog here!

10k was: OHMYGODICANWRITEICANWRITEICANWRITE!!!!!
20k was: I'MSTILLDOINGITWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
30k was: Whoa. This is like an actual novel or something.
40k was: Whoa. This IS an actual novel or something!
50k was: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I could PUBLISH this now if I wanted to! 8D Except...you know...no ending...And it may be short. Maybe.
60k was: Oh look at my baby in it's pretty novel length. ♥
70k was: Okay...Cool. It's long and I've been working on it for awhile. I can wrap this up any time now...
80k was: ...I'm STILL going?
90k was: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????
100k was...Well, let's say I considered chucking it off Deception. Many times.

Leave it to Mariella to start plotting a new story when she should be editing an old one.

I'm pretty sure I can do both, though.
And this time, I'm going for a love story. No magic. No supernatural stuff. Let's try something relatable:

The cover I made for BEAUTIFUL DANCING.
Pitch coming soon!

See? It even says in the cover that it's a love story.

So, in honor of this unusual event (SARCASM!) I'm creating a works-in-progress section on the sidebar.

Editing one story, finishing another story, beginning another.

I honestly can't picture myself doing anything else with my life but writing!