I'm now managing two blogs.

I've started up an officially spiritual blog, which you may visit by clicking here. The reason is because Universal Faith is launching in December, so I thought it'd be fitting to have a Wordpress as well as this. You'll probably see the same blog posts here as there, though this blog will be more writing and art focused. The layout is just too gorgeous for me to abandon it, I spent a long time working on it.
Unfortunately, I won't be writing for a while. After two surgeries for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, I'll be taking a long-needed break, and instead focusing on reading and blogging. Maybe without so much writing I can develop a strong personality of my own. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning my projects. The Water Nymph Potion will be published, but it will be very different from how it was before. I've found lots of things that need changing, and ways to tighten the plot. Beautiful Dancing will be written someday as a Christian novel. The Wishing Well is probably going to be a thriller. The Shadow and all its sequels will be a fantasy series. My vampire books...well, I don't know about them. It depends on how my mind reinvents them when I start writing again...
...which won't be a while. My parents are watching me. My case of CT was really, extremely bad. So I'm finding some other hobbies to distract myself with in the meanwhile, including raising my voice about my religion. I'm learning what I believe and how to defend it. At this moment, I actually see myself more as an public figure inspiring people to become saints, than a bestselling author. We'll see what happens.
Both my blogs will be updated, so stick around. There's a lot going on in my head. It might not be a novel, but it'll be interesting.
P.S. I am praying for my bishop every Monday. If you're Catholic, you should pray for yours, too.

I have a friend. She's been in a dusty closet for several months now...

Cecelia.

Her name is Cecelia.She doesn't talk--not really. I mean, unless you know how to understand the language of music, then you can say that she talks a lot.She's named for the patroness of music, St. Cecilia, who also happens to be my patron saint (Cecilia is my middle name) and of whom I have a relic medal--one of the few I think even exist. There are many reasons why I have a devotion to St. Cecilia, but music wasn't always one of them.
Her story is truly a remarkable one:

It is believed that St. Cecilia was born in the 2nd or 3d century A.D., although the dates of her birth and martyrdom are unknown. A religious romance telling the love story of Saint Cecilia and Valerian appeared in Greece during the 4th century A.D., and there is a biography of St Cecilia dating from the 5th century A.D. She is purported to have been the daughter of a wealthy Roman family, a Christian from birth, who was promised in marriage to a pagan named Valerian. Cecilia, however, had vowed her virginity to God, and wore sackcloth, fasted and prayed in hopes of keeping this promise. Saint Cecilia disclosed her wishes to her husband on their wedding night. She told Valerian that an angel watched over her to guard her purity. He wanted to see the angel, so St. Cecilia sent him to Pope Urban(223-230). Accounts of how and when Valerian saw the angel vary, but one states that he was baptized by the Pope, and, upon his return to Saint Cecilia, they were both given heavenly crowns by an angel. Another version recounts that Tibertius, Valerian's brother, sees the crowns and he too is converted.

Saint Cecilia

This isn't some sentimental blog post about how I'm a natural born musician and music is my passion and I spend so many hours a day mastering a new song that I wrote. This isn't even a blog post about me being really good at music, because I'm not. Quite frankly, I fail at music. I rarely practice and I'm better at composing things than reading notes for songs that already exist. I have little patience for sharps and flats on the piano and most of the time I just play ignoring them, thus messing up the song, and I have no idea what level I am at the piano even though supposedly I've been 'playing' for a few years now and should be at least okay at it.
But tonight...
Cecelia the guitar was a present for my 16th birthday. I'm not really sure why I wanted a guitar because back then I couldn't imagine the thrill of plucking a string and feeling the sound vibrate inside of you. I guess...well, I don't know. I just wanted a guitar. So that's what I got. 
And I've used her on and off to play a few songs I like, mostly Taylor Swift (there was a time that I'd mastered the intro to White Horse but I'm sure I've forgotten it by now. It was a very tentative mastery and right after that is when I had to leave Cecelia to go to Peru.) I tried to learn Miranda Lambert but that was a little too hard. My teacher was youtube, and I had nobody to really assess how I learned and what progress I made, or tell me how I had to improve.
We left to Peru on February because of my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I had to put Cecelia away. Even though I was never really big on playing music, I felt my heart recoil into itself as I eased her into the guitar case and whispered, "Just for now. See you soon." And I put her in the closet, where she's waited about four months for me to come back.
I've been here for a month but while settling in, had little time to play music. Tonight's when I finally felt done with waiting. I've got a cough, some kind of allergic asthma that I hope will go away when the summer's over. The Band Perry, my new favorites to listen to, made me want to sing. I listened to their beautiful song, Walk Me Down The Middle, and wished so badly that I could sing along. But every time I open my mouth to make a sound, I cough. I can't sing. I needed to make music tonight, though, needed it as badly as I normally have to write.
I could have used the piano, but then I remembered that I still had a friend waiting for me in the closet. So I got Cecelia out.
You know how sometimes you wish there was a soundtrack to your life? Well, as I eased Cecelia out of the guitar case, hearing the sounds of the strings vibrating as they collided with the plastic that confined her for so long, I promise you there was music playing. A soundtrack. And it's something that I could never imagine--the anticipation, the satisfaction, the immense joy that I was getting her out again. I was seeing her again. She wasn't angry, either. She was ready to play music, just like me.
The guitar is probably out of tune--I was never too good at tuning her. I sat down and played, anyway. I played with the capo, putting it on different frets and just plucking strings. Then, when the capo was on the third fret, I plucked out something that almost sounded like a song. And it was pretty. Like I said, the guitar is probably out of tune, but I was actually playing something that sounded like a song and a pretty one. I played the tune over and over.
Since I've no idea how to record guitar notes on sheet music, my only way to not lose the song was recording it. I got out my iPhone and used the Voice Memo app. I set it on a table nearby and talked to the phone and played and wrote a song.
I could share that thing I recorded on here but since the guitar is probably out of tune...I dunno. I'll consider it.
GOD is doing it. He's making me feel like I can do anything. I can write a song. I can run a blog. I can write a book and get it to the top 5 and eventually publish it. I can change opinions with my stories. I can be a good friend and someone that others will look up to, regardless of my weaknesses. I can make a difference.
And I can do anything. I know it. He wants me to say it.
I'm probably not going to start a band or write an album that will top the charts (maybe. Just because I'm not planning on it doesn't mean GOD isn't. I've learned better than to try and map my own life.) But I have art, I have Truth, and even though my hands hurt--even though I hate bedtime because of sleeping with the wrist braces on, and sometimes I can't open a can of soda, and sometimes I wonder if I can truly carry out all these things I'm planning for myself if I can't even write a book as fast as I used to--He keeps sending me things that He wants written.
He wants me to write things.He wants me to say things.He wants me to play the guitar and piano even though I don't follow the rules and I'm bad at it.So I will, and I'll learn to just trust in the LORD because He wouldn't be sending me these things if He didn't know what He was doing. And He's not going to harm me. And everything that happens to me is for my own good.
I need to shut up, stop whining, and just trust.
You know? Lately He's been revealing to me a lot on the subject of love. Not romantic love, but the love we have in our nature. I'll be sharing this as I go. It's liberating.
He has plans for me, even though I can't see them, and I don't believe I can do much with hands that are already hurting after just a blog post. Even though I need sharpening every time I make a difference in this world, because I'm just a really blunt tool. Even though I tend to be narrow-minded and paranoid and way too shy.
Kari Jobe is one of the people who inspire me most. Today on Facebook, she said in a status update:
Sometimes the key to trusting is to just trust.
I want to be like Kari Jobe with my writing. Her album is a blessing and for a long time I listened to it as a lullaby before bed. It was like falling asleep to a prayer. I've yet to find music as beautiful as hers, and I just want her to release a new album already. I want to meet her. I want to ask her so many questions. I want to hear her perform My Beloved live.
Listen to her album. Follow her on Facebook. She deserves more attention, and everyone should feel the blessing of her music.
How do I be like her with writing? How do I use writing in such a gorgeous way to glorify a GOD so beautiful? All my plots I come up with--even the 'religious' ones--fail. They're like matches that are put out by a gust of wind.
I'll just trust. That's what I'll do. If I leave my gifts to GOD, He'll help me.
But prayers would be appreciated. It's easier to say I'll trust, than it is to actually do it...because I'm still human.
Thanks, my friends. ♥

Browsing on Twitter, I found the same verse--just different translations--twice in a row.I guess it means something. Maybe this is a thing I'm supposed to know right now.I can do anything. :) Thank you, Jesus!

In Which Mariella Updates You On Her Progress Coming Out Of The Jar

This morning I had a lovely experience. Since I guess I'm an Insomniac at heart even without trying to be, I can't fall asleep too well. So I was up quite late--or early, if you want to put it that way--and decided that well, if I'm going to stay awake I may as well do something useful with my time. I decided to start reading my copy of the Youcat again. I'd gotten it a while back but only skimmed it, and not made it very far into the first chapter. This time I read the foreword written by the Pope and tried my hardest to pay attention to every little word, because they're all valuable in a book like this.

If you read the foreword, you'll see that the Youcat isn't just a book. It's a project several years in the making and its purpose was to clarify what Christians (or Catholics, if you want to see it in a narrow way) should believe. It's the result of the bishops of the Church working together. They came from all different parts of the world; their lifestyles varied and their languages did, too. But together they wrote for us a book that will clear up so much and after just a skim I have to say that any Catholic interested in learning about their faith, or any Christian wanting to learn about Catholicism, should give this book a try. It's interesting, easy to read, and written specifically for the youth of today's world.
Our youth need something to set us on fire with faith and this book is an attempt to do just that.
Anyway, in the foreword, the Pope wrote:

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life. (Youcat, page 10)

That sentence really spoke to me, so I closed the book right here and got out a notebook. I hadn't written in my journal yet, and all I had nearby was one of those cool yellow notepads, but it would have to do. I quoted this line from the Youcat...and then I just started writing.
I don't know if I want to share the things I write when I get into real deep Jesus mode. It makes me feel really raw and vulnerable. Being human, I don't want to be raw or vulnerable. I want to be strong and impressive, somebody that others can look up to. After reading an article today, though, I realized that there's no reason why people can't look up to me if I'm not strong and impressive--it might be just another reason for people to look up to me--but that's an issue for another blog post.
Without further ado, I'm going to swallow my pride and share what Jesus wanted me to share. I think I'll be sharing a lot more from now on.

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life.   p. 10

Don't I kind of start a new life every single day? I am constantly going to sleep with the resolve that I am changed; that I'll pray more; that I will use my gifts to serve the LORD only. And every day I fail. And every night I start over again.

Does Jesus ever get angry or frustrated with me? Does He ever stop and think, "Well, maybe she'll always be a blunt tool; I can't do much with her; she makes one impact on the world and then needs sharpening again!"

If He does, and since He loves me anyway--well, I can truly do anything. I find all my hope in the fact that I'm such a hopeless case but He still loves me...and He somehow wants me so much. There is nowhere I can go to hide from this, either, even if I wanted to. He loves me and He wants me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it--but the wise choice would be to respond and accept it.

Because the wise thing to do if someone loves you, the good and beautiful response, is to love back. But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.

I have value in Him...so much value. But only in Him can I ever do anything with it!

I wrote this at about 5am so any grammar mistakes or the likes cannot be blamed on me. I wrote it by hand in the little notepad. Now I don't know if what I wrote is right, but to me it feels right--at least, applying it to my situation specifically. This is something He said to Me. Maybe He's saying it to you, too--just ask and listen!
What I really want to point you to is the part in bold-face typing: But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.
After I finished writing this in my notebook, I opened the Youcat again, finished the foreword, and started on the first chapter. I found this: (Since it's a lot to type up I'm just going to take a picture of the page I want to quote.)

It was like a direct response to what I wrote in my journal entry before that. So, I wrote another journal entry:

We were made out of love. It's in our fiber. It's our purpose. We don't need an explanation beyond that, really, as to why humans love and why it's so hard to describe different types of love and it doesn't even really have to make sense, either. We were made out of 'leftover love'; therefore, we love.

It's one of those instances in which we can't explain why we do something; we just do.

I put away my journal and decided to go outside to watch the sun rise, since I was awake anyway. I stood there and gazed at the sky and contemplated it.

Jesus is love...He loves me so much...I'm made out of love...love is my instinct...

It felt like I finally knew my purpose, what I was here for, and I got an idea of just how valuable I really am.

I felt so much joy at that moment. I was in pajamas but I danced around the back yard for five minutes.I feel like Jesus was there dancing with me.
Then I finally went to bed...But I still didn't fall asleep for an hour. (Needless to say, I slept very little and am a bit groggy right now.)
I'm being called back to love, called back to Christ, and told what my purpose is. Gradually, I'm learning what I've got to do with my life. It's like a summer romance but way above that. This summer is being great for me, not because I have some earthly love story that'll probably end in a break-up when the winter comes. I stopped worrying about that kind of romance, since I don't think those are in His plans for me anytime soon to begin with.
No, this summer is a love story to me because I'm learning who I am in GOD's eyes.Jesus is helping me out of my jar.And I know I can truly do anything.
Thanks for following me on my journey so far :) ♥

JESUS: The Perfect Gentleman

...for everything that becomes visible is light.

Therefore, it says: "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light."

Ephesians 5:14, NAB

http://weheartit.com/entry/11169206

I have always believed Ephesians 5 to be the perfect example of the mission one ought to set for their life. It's beautiful, it's comforting...it has always set me on fire for my life in a manner different from what other passages can do. No matter how many times I read it, or how many times I am going to read it, my reaction to it will always be the same: It makes me realize my self-worth. It reminds me that in Christ I will always be so much more than you see on the outside. I can shine if I choose to. I can live as a child of The Ultimate Light that brings joy and peace to the whole world. Though nobody can shine as brightly as He does, we can shine enough to help bring light to our own world.

A couple of days ago, there was a thunderstorm. It was the biggest, most epic thunderstorm I have ever seen in my life. It made me afraid at first, then I decided I was overreacting. I remarked jokingly to a friend, losing my mind for just a moment, "Wow, god must be really angry to send us a thunderstorm like this." Perhaps at that moment I was thinking of the Greek god Zeus, because on retrospect I know that our own GOD loves us too much. I just cannot imagine Him sending a storm like that out of anger. He could, but do you think He would?

My friend Jenn promptly put me in my place with her reply. "Or maybe He's putting on this really great show because He loves you so much."

I felt a little bit embarrassed at my own remark. She was so right. "Yeah," I replied thoughtfully, "I think that's it."

But it was only later that I would realize how right she was. I went to the window to watch the thunderstorm. Since at that moment the lightning was taking place behind the house where I could not see it, I instead listened to the thunder and wondered...

I had read a post on someone's Tumblr moments ago about the love of Jesus being a perfect love. No gentleman could beat Him--He is the Holy One, the Hero Who died for us and then defeated death. He created the universe. He is so big. What did I do to deserve such love from Him that He would put on the thunderstorm of such magnitude because He loves me that much?

I have done nothing to deserve this. If this is a love story, I am the ragged beggar with nothing to boast of, and He is the glorious knight Who loves me when there is nothing I can ever offer Him at all.

But the saddest part is, I no longer pray as often as I ought. It took a thunderstorm for Jesus to get me off the computer and to the window where we can talk and spend some time together.

He is so big, but with the worldly things dominating my mind, I BLIND MYSELF TO HIM!

HE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS, to be 'throwing stones at my window,' so to speak, just to get me to look at Him.

But you know what is so beautiful about this story? He forgave me. He forgives all of us in a manner that a normal gentleman never could. He keeps coming back when I forget Him. He keeps giving me chance after chance when I, the ragged beggar, have done nothing to earn it. I don't deserve it. Neither do you. We never will, but Jesus doesn't see that.



http://weheartit.com/entry/11155738
Need help getting out of your jar you put yourself in?
Just ask GOD. He'll open it for you.
But only if you tell Him you want to get out. Are you
having fun in the jar with the common butterflies, or do
you want to be free?

 He loves us more than we could ever possibly imagine. More than we can love Him back. More than a human guy can love us. Why does he love us?

There is no reason. He just does.

I will put my all into loving Him back as much as I can with the tiny human heart I have. He died for me. I do not want to leave Him waiting out a window for me to come speak with Him through the glass. Either I let Him in to be with me, or I come out to be with Him.

To do either of those, I need to pray. To do either of those, GOD needs to help me. He needs to open the jar of worldly things I put myself in, and then give me the courage to climb through and be with Him.

Take, for example, the gorgeous photo of these butterflies being let out of their jar. They have probably been put on display for being beautiful. Maybe a couple of them showed off so someone caught them in a net. One might have done it on purpose to become famous. Maybe they were born in a little cage and have never seen freedom but from an outside source. They were put on a shelf, and people stared at them and said, "Look! What pretty butterflies! See how they have wings?"

They have wings, but if they're in a jar to show off, can they really fly like they're meant to?

Similarly, I might have light, but if I'm stuck in a worldly box with just a little window, can I really shine like I want to?

What I have to do is ask, "GOD, please open this jar...I desire so strongly to be with You and fly by Your side among the saints and angels in heaven. But I can't open this jar I put myself in without Your help. It's closed too tightly...I can't open it."

You can ask this, too. And guess what? He will open it. But only if you tell Him you want to be by His side...and not with the other butterflies in the jar who prefer to be distant from Him.

It's up to you. It's up to me. Where do you want to be?

At the window, we talked about Ephesians 5. He told me that if I wanted to be a child of light, if I wanted to shine, I need only ask. If I wanted to get out of the jar of worldly things, He can take me up to the sky where I can shine like nothing you've ever seen before. He can make me brighter than the stars. So I asked Him to open the window tonight, after a couple of days contemplating what happened. Right now I'm in the process of climbing hesitantly through the window, thinking--what if I fall?

The thing is, I might be going through that process all my life, but I know that He's helping me through the window, so what have I to fear? And the least I can do is love Him with everything I've got. So I'm going to risk climbing through that window!

Guess what? He can make you shine, too. He's PERFECT! Better than a hero in a novel or anyone that will ever exist. And He wants you! How amazing is that?

So my question now is this: Do you love Jesus with everything you've got? Or are you going to make Him throw stones at your window?

Does He deserve that?

Don't you want to get out of the jar of worldly things and become radiant like a star in the heavens? Are you going to ask GOD to open the jar? Are you scared to fall out the window? Jesus will catch you.

Think about it.

Just saw a license plate that said NOFAITH. Made me sad :(

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life" -- Unknown.

The Great Introduction

I can't believe I'm starting a new blog. But I'm a really indecisive person. Someone told me recently that I blog too much for other people, and as I meditated on that, I realized that I was never going to figure out who I am as a person if I don't sit down and think about me. I need to muse over what's going on and know what I think about things. Not always other people. I love having other people read my blog posts, but sometimes you need to discover yourself too.

Last night I had second thoughts about this, though. I tried to shrug it off. "I'll just work on writing in my journal routinely," I reasoned, since I've always had a sort of phobia against opening up to other people--in real life or on the internet.

But GOD wasn't going to have it this time.

"You're starting a blog," He told me, "because things you write in your journal will not ultimately benefit others. Not until they're found one day after you're gone. I made you to be great and to help others. I made you to make other people happy. Start a blog, and I'll tell you what to write--you're going to touch the hearts of other people. That's what I made you for."

And He's right. I'm not on this earth to write just to have something of myself to read in 30 years. I'm on this earth to do things to help others now. Not after I'm dead, but now.

Anyone who knows me well won't believe me. They don't think I'm really going to update every day. They probably don't think I'm going to open up and perhaps mold my life so that it helps others. But I'm going to use this blog, and write about me, and glorify GOD in a way that I don't have to pretend to be anything but who I am. I'm no preacher. I'm not very good at that at all.

But we all worship in our own way, and we all are Christians in our own way. We don't live by a strict set of rules. Christians are people, we have personalities. It's in our individual lives that people will see how we love Jesus and want to help people. We can make a difference, and make people happy, by being ourselves.

So this blog is my broken compass. You don't have to take it like you should do exactly what I do--it's not an instruction manual--it's not even a guide to anything. It's a broken compass showing the directions I go in my life, the choices I make, and the consequences. It's me. I hope that it benefits you in some way.

I don't believe there's a point in a person's existence if they don't use all their talents and be themselves in order to make others happy.
We were put on this earth to make others happy. You don't have to be a preacher to do that. Just be yourself.
And I'm going to work out a way to use my existence to make people happy.
I'd rather be dead than live knowing that I'm giving sorrow to the ones around me. I want to make a positive difference in the world, in what subtle little ways I can.

Everyone deserves a little happiness. And you can do this. You can make people smile; all it takes is a kind word or a hug.

I love you all and thanks for reading.