In Which Mariella Updates You On Her Progress Coming Out Of The Jar

This morning I had a lovely experience. Since I guess I'm an Insomniac at heart even without trying to be, I can't fall asleep too well. So I was up quite late--or early, if you want to put it that way--and decided that well, if I'm going to stay awake I may as well do something useful with my time. I decided to start reading my copy of the Youcat again. I'd gotten it a while back but only skimmed it, and not made it very far into the first chapter. This time I read the foreword written by the Pope and tried my hardest to pay attention to every little word, because they're all valuable in a book like this.

If you read the foreword, you'll see that the Youcat isn't just a book. It's a project several years in the making and its purpose was to clarify what Christians (or Catholics, if you want to see it in a narrow way) should believe. It's the result of the bishops of the Church working together. They came from all different parts of the world; their lifestyles varied and their languages did, too. But together they wrote for us a book that will clear up so much and after just a skim I have to say that any Catholic interested in learning about their faith, or any Christian wanting to learn about Catholicism, should give this book a try. It's interesting, easy to read, and written specifically for the youth of today's world.
Our youth need something to set us on fire with faith and this book is an attempt to do just that.
Anyway, in the foreword, the Pope wrote:

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life. (Youcat, page 10)

That sentence really spoke to me, so I closed the book right here and got out a notebook. I hadn't written in my journal yet, and all I had nearby was one of those cool yellow notepads, but it would have to do. I quoted this line from the Youcat...and then I just started writing.
I don't know if I want to share the things I write when I get into real deep Jesus mode. It makes me feel really raw and vulnerable. Being human, I don't want to be raw or vulnerable. I want to be strong and impressive, somebody that others can look up to. After reading an article today, though, I realized that there's no reason why people can't look up to me if I'm not strong and impressive--it might be just another reason for people to look up to me--but that's an issue for another blog post.
Without further ado, I'm going to swallow my pride and share what Jesus wanted me to share. I think I'll be sharing a lot more from now on.

This Catechism will not make life easy for you, because it demands of you a new life.   p. 10

Don't I kind of start a new life every single day? I am constantly going to sleep with the resolve that I am changed; that I'll pray more; that I will use my gifts to serve the LORD only. And every day I fail. And every night I start over again.

Does Jesus ever get angry or frustrated with me? Does He ever stop and think, "Well, maybe she'll always be a blunt tool; I can't do much with her; she makes one impact on the world and then needs sharpening again!"

If He does, and since He loves me anyway--well, I can truly do anything. I find all my hope in the fact that I'm such a hopeless case but He still loves me...and He somehow wants me so much. There is nowhere I can go to hide from this, either, even if I wanted to. He loves me and He wants me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it--but the wise choice would be to respond and accept it.

Because the wise thing to do if someone loves you, the good and beautiful response, is to love back. But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.

I have value in Him...so much value. But only in Him can I ever do anything with it!

I wrote this at about 5am so any grammar mistakes or the likes cannot be blamed on me. I wrote it by hand in the little notepad. Now I don't know if what I wrote is right, but to me it feels right--at least, applying it to my situation specifically. This is something He said to Me. Maybe He's saying it to you, too--just ask and listen!
What I really want to point you to is the part in bold-face typing: But the beauty of love is another subject altogether, one that I feel like I'll be uncovering soon.
After I finished writing this in my notebook, I opened the Youcat again, finished the foreword, and started on the first chapter. I found this: (Since it's a lot to type up I'm just going to take a picture of the page I want to quote.)

It was like a direct response to what I wrote in my journal entry before that. So, I wrote another journal entry:

We were made out of love. It's in our fiber. It's our purpose. We don't need an explanation beyond that, really, as to why humans love and why it's so hard to describe different types of love and it doesn't even really have to make sense, either. We were made out of 'leftover love'; therefore, we love.

It's one of those instances in which we can't explain why we do something; we just do.

I put away my journal and decided to go outside to watch the sun rise, since I was awake anyway. I stood there and gazed at the sky and contemplated it.

Jesus is love...He loves me so much...I'm made out of love...love is my instinct...

It felt like I finally knew my purpose, what I was here for, and I got an idea of just how valuable I really am.

I felt so much joy at that moment. I was in pajamas but I danced around the back yard for five minutes.I feel like Jesus was there dancing with me.
Then I finally went to bed...But I still didn't fall asleep for an hour. (Needless to say, I slept very little and am a bit groggy right now.)
I'm being called back to love, called back to Christ, and told what my purpose is. Gradually, I'm learning what I've got to do with my life. It's like a summer romance but way above that. This summer is being great for me, not because I have some earthly love story that'll probably end in a break-up when the winter comes. I stopped worrying about that kind of romance, since I don't think those are in His plans for me anytime soon to begin with.
No, this summer is a love story to me because I'm learning who I am in GOD's eyes.Jesus is helping me out of my jar.And I know I can truly do anything.
Thanks for following me on my journey so far :) ♥